Imperfect Fathers

The I’m-Perfect Fathers Group: A Gathering of Fathers of Children
with Disabilities

Raviraj Shetty1, Jehanzeb Baldiwala2, Tanya Vasunia3

Objective: The objective of the study was to explore the impact of sharing experiences of fathering by creating a support group for fathers of
children with disabilities using narrative frame of reference.

Methodology: The participants were fathers of children with disabilities selected through pre-defined criteria. The group was conducted over six 2-h
sessions held once a week. The group was cofacilitated by an occupational therapist and a father. The facilitator used the narrative frame of reference
to support discussions around themes of fathering in each session. Post-intervention, a focus group was conducted to assess outcomes. The focus group
was documented by audio and video recording devices. Thematic analysis was used to analyze data for emerging themes and to understand outcomes.

Results: Primary themes that emerged were (a) learning from each other’s experience, (b) redefining disciplining, (c) navigating through fatherhood,
(d) the benefits of a nonjudgmental space, and (e) advocacy.

Conclusion: The findings identify fathers’ need for a space to share their narratives of fathering a child with disability. The study also demonstrates
the need for therapists to engage fathers in the process of family-centered care and indicates that involving fathers could lead to better outcomes
for families.

Fathering occupations are identified as a significant aspect of men’s lives where fathers describe
meaningfulness of occupations ranging from extraordinary journeys to the ordinary everyday
activities of bathing, feeding, and doing math problems together.1 A recent systematic review of studies which controlled for maternal involvement and gathered data from different independent scores found “positive” father involvement associated with a range of desirable outcomes for children and young people.2
Substantial research, however, shows these fathers being ignored or dismissed by services and variously described as “the peripheral parent,” “the invisible parent,” and “hard to reach.”3-6 Dollahite states that father’s involvement is not well understood due to myriad reasons including historical focus on mothers and the understanding that father’s role is secondary by many care providers. Moreover, the traditional patriarchal Indian culture expects a father to be affectively distant and a stern disciplinarian.8 These beliefs create a stereotype of fathers as distant and disengaged figures. Giving such fathers’ opportunities to discuss their concerns with each other could help decrease their sense of isolation, foster a sense of agency and community.8 Research has shown the importance of support groups when cultural norms and gender stereotypes make it difficult for individuals to reach out for help.9 Accordingly, a support group structure was used to create an opportunity for fathers of children with disability in an Indian context to explore their understanding of and diverse enactments of fatherhood. The support group described in this paper was guided using the narrative frame of reference with an understanding that our lives are shaped by the stories we create.10 The frame of reference invites people to tell or retell stories about the challenges and problems they encounter in their lives as well as the skills they are using to respond to these problems. The therapist within the narrative frame of reference is a curious listener of these stories and influences the development of these stories through questions and reflections.11,12 Thus, the objective of the study is to explore the impact of a support group guided by the narrative frame of reference on the fathers of children with disabilities.

METHODOLOGY
Study Design
This was a qualitative phenomenology- based study.
1Senior Occupational Therapist
& Training Lead, Ummeed
Child Development Center,
Mumbai, Maharashtra, India,
2Director of Mental Health,
Ummeed Child Development
Center, Mumbai, Maharashtra,
India,
3Research Assistant, Ummeed
Child Development Center,
Mumbai, Maharashtra, India
Place of Study
Ummeed Child Development
Center, Ground Floor, Mantri
Pride 1 B, 1/62, N. M. Joshi
Marg, Subhash Nagar, Lower
Parel, Mumbai - 400 011,
Maharashtra, India
Period of Study
January, 2015 - December, 2015
Correspondence
Raviraj Shetty, Ummeed Child
Development Center. Ground
floor, Mantri Pride 1 B, 1/62,
N. M. Joshi Marg, Subhash
Nagar, Lower Parel,
Mumbai - 400 011,
Maharashtra, India.
Tel.: 022-65564054/
022-23002006,
Mobile: +91-9819441833,
Email: ravirajshety@gmail.com
Paper was presented at
OTICON’2016, the 53rd Annual
National Conference of AIOTA
at Chennai, Tamil Nadu, India,
in AIOTA Trophy for Best
Paper in Mental Health.
The I’m-Perfect Fathers Group Shetty R, et al.
30 | Indian J. Occup. Ther. | Volume 49 | Issue 1 | Jan - Mar 2017 | Page 29-33
Participants were selected from the center’s pre-existing
database. Participants were initially contacted through email.
Those interested were provided more details telephonically.
Of 20 fathers initially approached, 10 expressed interest and
6 joined the group.
Participants were selected based on following criteria:
1. They had to be fathers
2. They had to have at least one child with developmental
difficulties
3. They had to be proficient in English.
Ethics and Logistics
Care was taken to ensure confidentiality so that participants
felt comfortable and safe within the group. The project was
designed with supervision from the director of the mental
health team. Each participant was provided with a consent
form that provided detailed information regarding the use of
the data and confidentiality measures.
Procedure
Once the necessity for the group was established, a semistructured
outline of the group objectives was created. The
group sessions were held on Saturday afternoons for 6 weeks.
The duration of each session was 2 h. After the first session,
which began with introductions, each weekly session started
with reflections fathers wished to share with each other.
This was followed by a semi-structured question which had
been created before the session within a supervision setting
(Appendix A). Questions were designed to facilitate discussion
and reflect on experiences. The questions were designed with
the intention to develop stories of their skills, knowledge,
hopes, and problems as fathers.
The discussions were scaffolded using additional questions,
activities, presentations, images, and videos. The group was
facilitated by an occupational therapist and cofacilitated
by a father who was recruited through an interview process
conducted by the lead author. After six sessions, a focus
group that explored the impact of the group on the participants
was conducted by the second and third author.

Data Analysis
The focus group was audio-recorded and transcribed
verbatim by the third author. Transcriptions contained
accurate accounts of narrations inclusive of repetitions,
pauses, and hesitations. The analysis was based on the
semantic content of the interview. A deductive thematic
analysis took place based on the area of research and the
nature of the data.

RESULTS

The five major themes that were derived from the thematic analysis of the data from the focus group were as follows:

1. Learning from each other’s experience
2. Redefining discipline
3. Navigating through fatherhood
4. Benefits of a non-judgmental space
5. Advocacy.

Learning From Each Other’s Experience
Fathers repeatedly reported the importance of hearing other
fathers’ experiences and learning from each other. They talked
about occupations that other fathers in the group were doing
which influenced their fathering and created possibilities for
new occupations that supported their fathering.
D: So when R presented about a journey that he and his son
took. It was a trip that he and his son took together to the U.S.
Right. And what came out was that characteristics uh, of, uh, of
his son. The characteristics in Bombay versus in that journey
were dramatically different, right. So, an environment change,
you know, uh, it just came out that he was more self-disciplined.
R: There was the fact that whenever you know, try and raise the
curiosity of the child, even with mundane daily things, that you
know, you are driving down. I think that you were mentioning,
*gestures to D* was that why is it more necessary to, to, uhh,
drive slow in the rain. And, and you just make the child think.
I have not started implementing that yet. So one thing that I
need to do is, you know try and do that. Try and figure more
interaction with my son. Instead of sitting back and being quiet.
So, that’s another lesson to take away for me.
D: “Choose your battles.” Has really struck up a chord across,
even the five, all the five of us when we were there. You can’t
win all of them There is no point in winning all of them. So,
that was one major learning across the group.
The above quotes highlight the impact and value given to each
other’s narratives. Information and ideas were transferred between
participants through these narratives. The idea of “choosing your
battles” became a mantra for the fathers in challenging times.
Redefining Discipline
This particular theme has strong links with Indian culture and
the stereotypes surrounding masculinity. The idea of physical
discipline, masculinity, patriarchal hierarchy, and fatherhood
was intrinsically linked for some participants. Through
discussions in the group, these ideas were unpacked and many
fathers reexamined their ideas about discipline and its effects
within the context of the father-son relationship.
Few quotes which highlight this were as follows:
D: So it is not necessary, one need not be very impatient for
things to happen. So, for instance, I think one of my takes was
that, so when my son was diagnosed uh, with autism. And
uh, we started work on that, right. I was kind of an impatient
guy. So, for me, it was a fine balance between hitting him and
disciplining. And disciplining for me could get physical, right.
So, giving him two whacks. Because of it, for me, it was also
about popular perception, right. How he behaves himself when
five people come. So, I can live with his hyperactivity. But,
people are going to judge him. So, I wouldn’t shy from giving
him a whack saying, “Don’t.” I was always trying to figure out
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31 | Indian J. Occup. Ther. | Volume 49 | Issue 1 | Jan - Mar 2017 | Page 29-33
that fine balance between treating him individually. But, I will
also whack him individually. So that, I am setting the rules.
After the father’s group, you know, I’ve just stopped hitting
him or even reprimanding him very very harshly. Because
when I heard, you know, R speak about his kid.
R: Violence is not going to. First of all is not good idea with
anybody. Particularly not with these kids because, um, you
know you, can hit somebody, and reprimand him. And hope to
correct that mistake if they did it intentionally or did not pay
attention to… Suppose he’s done something to reprimand him
and he does it again. He’s done it intentionally. You reprimand
him. You hit him. Maybe he is going to change. But, some of
the challenges that our children have...is, is, is you know, he
may repeat that mistake involuntarily.
P: For, for me, complete stopping, was a result of this group.
I never thought that I was on the wrong path. I might not have
taken such a radical approach of, not, matlab, minimizing my
whacking to 99% you know, down. Had it not been a part of
this group. We figured out that there were different approaches.
The realization that repeated mistakes may be a consequence of
their children’s disability marked a turning point in participants
understanding of discipline. After this reexamination, many
fathers reported a difference in their relationships with their
children. They noted that they were able to find creative ways
of disciplining rather than using physical methods which lead to
a relationship filled with conversations, laughter, playfulness,
and understanding.

Navigating Through Fatherhood
This theme was prevalent from the beginning of the group.
Many fathers recalled in the focus group that they had enrolled
simply to see if they were fathering “correctly.”
Navigating through fatherhood can be considered an
overarching theme. The group was brought together by their
quest to understand what makes a perfect father. Each dilemma
and situation which was discussed by the fathers helped them
reflect on and embrace their journey of fatherhood. Some of
these are illustrated in the quotes presented below:
R: “But where I think it changed, was with D’s presentation
where we started talking about our own children and our
journey with them. You know. And, uh, D did, then I did, then
P did. And, we suddenly realized that it’s not about question
and answers. It’s about learning on the go.”
P: Patience on the journey. I mean, I, uh, I never spoke about
this. But, I just simply felt that consistently, all of the three of
us have just. Whether we were violent, or whether we were,
uh. At least we had the good intentions. But, we did not carry it
through. And patience was the biggest vehicle on which you’re
supposed to, drive on. And all, all three of us have just realized
we need more and more patience with ourselves and with the
relationship with our children.

Benefits of a Non-judgmental Space
Having a non-judgmental space was another major theme that
emerged from the focus group. To have a space where fathers
can share their experiences without judgment was described as
imperative to the group’s functioning. This allowed the fathers
to share their fears, worries, and mistakes openly.
As P says, “It’s not that the father does not want to get involved.
A father wants to get involved but doesn’t know how and what
we tried to do in this group is that just learnt the fact that every
body is wanting to kind of, you know. The father is positive.
And by default it is negative. Okay. Just they don’t know how.
They don’t say. Don’t know how to do it. Here is a space
where we spoke to each other. Means here, I spoke more than
whatever I speak at home also.”
This non-judgmental space also allowed participants to discuss
both their preferred stories and problem stories.
R: See, uhh, I guess, the, basic thought was that, I was hoping
to be a good father is...is what I was searching for. After
coming here, I realized everyone is on the same path. So, I
started enjoying the journey.
This non-judgmental space became an important step toward
the group’s collective narrative. This theme helped the
participants realize that “At the end of the day, we are all in the
same boat.” Fathers were able to discuss what “being a father”
is about and to come to terms with the fact that there is no such
thing as a perfect father. A few of the quotes from fathers that
support this theme are as follows:
P: Uh, no. Not hoping for. But, well, I was hoping for “being a
father.” “How to be a good father,” or “What are the experiences
of being a good father.”
D: Speak about ours, about the mess that we are in.
Advocacy
The fifth theme that emerged was advocacy. This has significant
implications for the group’s progress. The ability to look at the
macro rather than the micro suggests a shift in thought process
and ideology.
D: You know, certain, some of our learning was, could be shared.
You know, could be adapted, adopted by the other fathers.
R: You know, apparently you are targeting the mothers only.
Primarily, the mothers. But, if the mothers are doing it correct,
the fathers are screwing up. Sorry to use the word. That’s
half the battle lost. So, you need to get the fathers. You need
to get the. You need to encourage the fathers to get their act
correct. You know, if you really want the children to flip.
Advocacy, in particular, displays the ability to create a different
type of narrative.
When the group discussed how fathers need to be targeted
more, it was an example of how important advocacy is for
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the group’s ability to look back and learn from each other’s
experiences and journeys.
While discussing their journey as a group, one of the fathers
commented on how this group was history. This observation
is powerful given that this was the first father’s group in the
history of the center.

DISCUSSION
The discussion in this paper centers on highlighting the
processes that supported the themes that emerged through
linking of lives of fathers. The findings of this exploratory
study clearly identify fathers’ need for a space to share their
narratives of fathering a child with disability. Using narrative
frame of reference made it possible for the group to explore
the fact that the fathers are constantly using creative ways to
overcome some of the problems that are posed by the disability
in their child’s life.
The narrative frame of reference’s aim is to focus inquiry on
alternate stories or ways of responding that are separate from
problem stories.13 This helped guide discussions focused on
ways that fathers were responding to their children and steps
they were taking to build relationships with them rather than
focus on stress/coping. Sharing stories helped fathers recognize
that their intentions for having positive relationships with
their children were being respected and they could discuss
hopes for their children, some of which were shared by other
fathers. Linking lives in this way can support creation of
connections that can be viewed as what Stern called, “shared
feeling voyages, a process whereby moments of meeting with
others create experiences that are personally undergone and
lived through the present.” Shared feeling voyages open new
possibilities by putting in question the established nature of
relationships which may not be a complete truth.14
The second important aspect was that the therapist maintained
a position of curiosity, staying de-centered yet influential.
This refers to a position where professional knowledge does
not form the center of the learning. Rather what remains at the
center of the support group are the skills and knowledge that the
fathers bring to enacting fathering and their unique hopes and
intentions for their roles as father. The therapist is influential
in this process through the use of questions that uncover skills
and knowledge that fathers already have which can be used to
address the current concerns.13
As a result, this group collectively expressed a desire to move
toward more individual parenting and disciplinary methods
that were responsive to their child’s unique needs. One of the
outcomes that resulted from this was that the fathers came
together to redefine what discipline meant to them, how they
would like to perform this occupation going ahead and the
stand to refrain from physically disciplining their children.
Another process that facilitated the themes to emerge was
having the father of a child with disability as a cofacilitator in the
group. Inviting a father of a child with disability to cofacilitate
the group contributed toward creating a safe, non-judgemental
space in the support group. His having similar lived experience
ensured that space remains free from “professional judgment”
and that fathers feel safe to share feelings of doubt, mistakes, or
raise any questions. This gave fathers the opportunity to share
diverse enactments of fatherhood.
What also emerged from this combination of the therapist’s
de-centered position and the presence of a peer consultant fits
with Bonsall’s description of advocacy where fathers move
from extending the enactment of fatherhood from caring for
his own child to caring for children in general.1 The fathers
through their sharing came to the agreement that what they had
learned was relevant and could be shared with a wider group
of fathers parenting children with disabilities. These could
be “adapted and adopted” by the other fathers and become a
way to further way to link lives around shared experience. As
described by one of the participants, “every father should be
given an opportunity to think about what the disability means
for his child and to clarify what he understands. A chance to
understand what his contribution to the child’s journey can
mean and the importance of this for the child’s development
would be a significant start for most families.”

CONCLUSION
We conclude that creating a support group for fathers
of children with disabilities using the narrative frame of
reference helps fathers have agency, a sense of community,
and reduced isolation, thus participate in their child’s
development.
Despite the fact that the sample in this study was limited to six
fathers of children with disabilities who were from an urban
English-speaking context, for therapists and professionals
working with children with disabilities, the group highlights
the importance of engaging fathers in the therapeutic journey
of children with disabilities.
There is scope to further explore the journeys of fathers
from non-English speaking, rural, and lower socioeconomic
contexts. One of the hopes for sharing this work is that the
ideas shared and the themes that emerged might interest
occupational therapists in India to provide similar platforms
and opportunities to fathers.

ACKNOWLEDGMENT
We would like to thank Dr. Vibha Krishnamurthy, Medical
Director, Ummeed Child Development Center, for encouraging
us to explore newer clinical territories. Special thanks to the
fathers participating in the group for allowing us to share their
journey of fathering.
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How to cite this article: Shetty R, Baldiwala J, Vasunia T. The I’m-Perfect Fathers Group: A Gathering of Fathers of Children