3 Ways Women Can Reclaim Their Wellness This isn’t self-care; it’s self-stewardship.

"You will grow into the strength that is needed to live your life well."

I wrote this on a Post-it note over 10 years ago and still lean into these words today. And during this growth season of my life, I have uncovered many truths. In honour of International Women’s Month, I want to share this truth: Our relationship with self-care is fractured, and many of us are heading in the wrong direction.

“How do I let go of the guilt I feel when I take care of myself?” This is one of the most common questions I am asked. Women know that self-care is needed to navigate their lives, yet the need alone does not change our behaviour. Women are stealing from tomorrow’s energy just to make it through today. Women are deeply depleted, even to the state of burnout, yet still question: Have I done enough? Am I enough? First takeaway: If you are asking if you are doing enough, chances are you are already doing too much.

As women, we hold deep gratitude and reverence for our fore-grandmothers who fought for our rights, as we should. And during this revolution for womanhood, there was no renegotiating the distribution of the existing roles and responsibilities women held at the time. We boldly claimed new roles in society while we already had full-time responsibilities. Practices of self-care are very far down the priority list while trying to raise good humans, earn a living, serve the community, and strive for self-actualization—while also supposedly needing to fit into skinny jeans.

How can women prioritize self-care when we have been conditioned to take care of ourselves only when all the other work is done, especially when the other work is never done? Self-care is being weaponized. Live and work within relentless conditions, and if you are struggling to keep up, up your self-care routine. The work and invisible labour are an endless cycle. The remedy here will involve unlearning and releasing unsustainable expectations and norms that have been established for us. We must move beyond self-care to self-stewardship. This is not business as usual. The ship is going down as women’s emotional and mental health is declining, and we will take society down with us in the process! As Melinda French Gates said, “Our entire economy is built on the backs of caregivers.”

Shift to Self-Stewardship

Stewardship means the responsible management of something entrusted to one’s care. This is what we need to commit to. You must entrust your wellness to you. You must recognize the preciousness and value of what needs protecting—you! This is not selfish, this is science. No one is coming to rescue us. We are who we have been waiting for!

So, where do we begin? My invitation is to focus each day on doing one act of self-stewardship for your head, body, and heart.

Head: Seeing the World

The reality is that we cannot outthink stress, but we can tend to the reactions of stress and overwhelm in a compassionate and action-oriented way. To do this, we need to be mindful and in the present moment. Most people I work with are either stuck in their past and feel guilt, shame, and disappointment, or they are stuck in the future and feel anxiety, fear, and a lack of certainty. Bring yourself to the present moment and make the next right decision for you. You don’t have to figure everything out, just your next right move.

Examples:

Morning routine: Set intentions for how you want to feel that day. Get outside first thing.

Simply breathe: Try setting a timer for 60 seconds to slow down and ground yourself.

Check out routines: Practices for transitioning from work mode into family mode, such as an after-work walk, music prompts, or a 20-minute timed home/office putter session.

Body: Being in the World

Self-stewardship practices for taking care of our bodies need to be rooted in love, self-respect, real science for what our bodies actually need, and a commitment to repair the damage many of us have afflicted upon ourselves for decades. You cannot hate yourself healthy. Relationship repair is needed here.

Examples:

Perhaps it is music, solitude, friendship, nature, merriment, or maybe service.

Final Thoughts

A daily commitment to one act of self-stewardship can change lives. When we start aligning our head, body, and heart towards the greatest good for all through self-stewardship, we claim our right to be a whole person and to have the privilege of living a good life. Mother Teresa said, “If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.” Remember, you are part of that family too. You are entrusted with protecting yourself. You are worthy of your wellness.

Our fore-grandmothers believed in us enough to fight for us. Now it is our time. It is our time to write the next chapter that will advance womanhood. And while we carry the weight and responsibility of the world, we have the right to feel and be well, too. We fight for our daughters and their future by unapologetically living a life that recognizes and honours our needs and our right to rest and recovery.

Let us be the ones who erase the misguided belief that we must only tend to our own needs when everyone else’s needs have been met. Let us all grow into the strength that is needed to live our lives well. And may this emerging strength include a commitment to self-stewardship for everyone’s sake.

Robyne Hanley-Dafoe, Ed.D., is a resiliency and wellness scholar and speaker, author of Calm Within the Storm and Stress Wisely, and award-winning instructor and adjunct professor at Trent University.